Of Fangirls and Screwdrivers
by The New Vampire
Summary: Because every single time he makes a new screwdriver, they come and steal it. Bloody fangirls. In which Martha backs away slowly, the Doctor is oblivious, and fangirls get the last laugh. The Doctor has a long and painful lesson to learn...
1. Chapter 1

Of Fangirls and Screwdrivers—Lena and Nadine

The first time it happened was absolutely insane. He came back to the TARDIS with Martha after defeating four things and a lizard, only two find two teenage girls leaning against it, giggling excitedly. Martha immediately knew what was going on. He, however, did not.

"How-who-what-ah-um-the—"

"Lena, remind me why I am here."

"Because you love me. Because we share a brain. Because I bribed you with the prospect of kidnapping L. And because you know, deep down inside, that you want a sonic screwdriver, and I promised to buy you one for Christmas."

At this point, Martha was backing away slowly, gesturing for the Doctor to follow her. Did he listen? No. He advanced on the two girls, one hand going for the sonic in his pocket. Martha's eyes widened and her gesturing reached a frantic pitch. Eventually she just yelped and ran, fully intending to wait out the oncoming storm. The Doctor pulled out the sonic and brandished it, pretending it was a weapon, trying to get the two mysterious girls off of his TARDIS. At the sight of the screwdriver, the red haired girl squealed and swiped it, grinning at the confusion on his face.

"Souvenir," she said sweetly, grinning widely, before turning to her companion. "Now, Nadine, we run!"

Going to tiptoe to give him a peck on the cheek, she grabbed the black haired girl's—Nadine's—hand and did just that, leaving him staring dumbly at the TARDIS door.

Martha came out of wherever she had been hiding, shaking her head.

"First time dealing with fangirls? We're in for a loooong training then."


	2. Chapter 2

Of Fangirls and Screwdrivers—The Training Begins

He builds a new screwdriver, of course. Adds a few new settings, too. So no huge loss. And eventually, after a few more adventures, he begins to dismiss it as a fluke. Just two insane girls. Insane was in, at that point, right?

He should have known better.

The next time it happened was London, 2011.

The redhead—Lena, was it? (Thank god for semi-photographic memories.)

Anyway, the redhead shows up with her family, this time with no black-haired girl (Nadine, he remembers) in tow.

It's Martha who first notices her, and tries to physically drag him back to the TARDIS, which doesn't work, of course.

It might have been fine, if he didn't still kinda want his screwdriver back. This want drove him to call out her name, waving her over to the café where he and Martha had been sitting, drinking tea.

When she sees them, her eyes go wide, and she walks over.

"Um…hi."

"Hello. I'm the Doctor, and this is—"  
"Martha, I know."

She turns to Martha and holds out her hand, prim and proper.

"Nice to meet you. Normally I'd squeal and hug you, but you have my respect, so I'll resist the urge."

Now it's Martha's turn to look wide-eyed.

"A polite fangirl. Never thought I'd see the day." She hisses at him.

"Now," Lena says, turning to him, "What'd you need?"

Her American accent comes on thick now that she says more than one word, and up close they can see her vibrating on the spot, radiating energy.

"My screwdriver. You still have it."

"Indeed I do, never leave home without it, so to say."

He holds out his hand and she looks at it curiously, head cocked.

"Can I have it back please?"

"No."

Martha cringes in anticipation of the explosion about to happen.

"No! What do you mean no! That screwdriver is-well, never mind what it is, I need it back. Now."

She grins, an accomplishment in itself.

"No can do. See, I don't have it with me right now."

Lena giggles upon seeing the twin dumbfounded looks cast her way.

"I left it with Nadine, didn't want to have to bring it through customs, that'd cause lots of awkward questions. We thought about shipping it over, but realized it would likely be scanned, so she's just keeping an eye on it for me."

"That's actually quite smart."

The Doctor sends Martha a look saying 'quiet'. Or it might have been 'I really need another cup of tea', very hard to tell with the Doctor.

She holds out her hand again, this time to the Doctor.

"Lovely to see you again, but I have to go, I'm supposed to meet my parents for crepes in half an hour, and I want to walk instead of taking the tube."

She tosses a scrap of paper on the table.

"Email address. I have a feeling there'll be some questions after this encounter.'

She stalks off, and by the time Martha and the Doctor are done realigning their own personal realities (or whatever it is they took so much time doing), the tea had gone cold.

Bloody perfect.


	3. Chapter 3

Of Fangirls and Screwdrivers—Meet the Gang (Literally)

"You'll never guess what happened in London," Lena sing-songed to the assembled group.

"Evil star?" asked Zia

"Green!" asked Karinne

Nadine was vibrating on the spot, having been informed of the encounter already.

"Daleks. You were attacked by a Dalek."

"You voted Saxon for PM."

"I can't even vote yet, the Daleks would run away screaming from me, yes, everyone was green, no, the evil star was Christmas."

The girls were assembled in Lena's guest bedroom, sleeping bags spread in a circle, all facing a giant bowl of popcorn in the center. Officially, they were having a sleepover so Lena could tell everyone about France. To the girls, it was a meeting of ABOF(OVF)WWTSTDS(R). For the laypeople in the audience, that's A Bunch Of Fangirls (Of Various Fandoms) Who Want To Steal The Doctor's Screwdriver (Repeatedly).

"Well… I was in a bookstore/café before I met my parents for crepes, and who do I see but the Doctor and Martha, who then wave me over looking for this," she pulls out the sonic and waves it around, careful not to thumb the activation button, "Which of course, I didn't have, as I left it with Nadine."

Zia raised a hand, short brown hair still ruffled from wrestling with Lena's dog. "And how well did that go over?"

This prompted a round of giggles at the mental image of the Doctor's face confronted with a fangirl refusing to give back his screwdriver.

"So of course, he tries to Oncoming Storm me, the effect of which was somewhat ruined by the fact that he looked like David Tennant, and the rather dainty teacup he was holding. So I explain, give them my email address, and go to meet my parents."

Karinne blinks repeatedly, running one hand through shoulder-length blonde hair.

"You gave the Doctor and Martha Jones your _email address_?"

Lena nodded, bouncing on the balls of her feet as Nadine squeed.

"…"

"I think my brain just exploded."

"Isn't it wonderful? Of course, looking after the sonic was fun too, but I have to say I would have much rather been in London with Lena."

"I'd have stolen you if I could, Nadine darling."

Lena was confronted with three teenage girls screaming at her in unison.

"CHECK YOUR EMAIL!"

"Fine, fine."

Lena pulled up gmail on her iPad, smiling when a computerized voice said. "You have five unread messages."

The girls all crowded around the messages from ?

_**E**_

"Erm…."

"That's a bit…anticlimactic."

"At least it's green."

"Read the next one."

_Hello_

_Erm, sorry about the last message, I've switched to a voice-activated system, really, I don't know how you people deal with these keyboard things we deal because we have to Martha, shut up. We can't all have 51__st__ century technology Martha, seriously, be quiet. New paragraph. New paragraph. New paragraph! _

_ARRRRGHHHH_

_Message ends._

"Wow. Good to know Dragon Naturally Speaking fails, even in the future."

"And it wasn't even green."

"Next."

_Martha, seriously, geroff! No, really! Martha! I can do this just fine, really, in the name of rust lion. No! Martha Jones, get away from the microphone this instant._

_Message ends._

"I'm seriously starting to wonder about my sanity. Or his sanity, assuming he ever was sane."

"Still not green."

"Next. Please, for the love of god, just move on."

_Alright, sorry about that. This is Martha, I've got himself tied up in a closet, with the TARDIS apparently not letting him out. I guess she doesn't like his technology skills any more than I do. Anyway, assuming this is Lena, which it should be, yeah, we've got questions. _

_Like, who the bloody hell are you?_

_And—oi Doc, get off!_

_CAN I HAVE MY FLIPPING SCREWDRIVER BACK!_

_Scrape, bang, crash._

_Message ends._

"Wow…."

_Alright, I think we've finally got this down. Martha is currently out shopping, so no other voices to interfere. _

_Now. _

_My screwdriver. I need it back. Never mind why, just give it back. I'm not quite sure why you and that other girl, Nadine, I believe it was, have some obsession with my screwdriver, but this really can't continue._

_So, if you'll meet me someplace to give it back, we can just forget about this whole thing. _

_Now, Martha has given me a list of questions to ask._

_Who are you?_

_What do you want?_

_How do you know about me and the Doctor…which should be the Doctor and I, by the way._

_And…something about having tea sometime, she quite likes your…spunk. _

_Alright. So. Meeting. _

_Let me know when and where, I'll be there._

"Are we meeting him?"  
"An excellent question…"


End file.
